The Perfect Girl
by Eleven Eleven
Summary: Whatever happened to the perfect girl...?


A/N. This suddenly sprang into my head while I was debating on whether or not to do my chem. homework. It's my first Val story, and has no relation to any of my other stories. If it seems sketchy, it's because I wrote it in the space of a few hours with no real points to convey (I just built the story as I went on), and if it seems just plain weird, it's because I was sick with a cold.  
  
Disclaimer- IaHB characters do not belong to me. The song lyrics I've used are Sarah McLachlan's 'Time', while the title of this song fic comes from 'Perfect Girl', both from the album 'Afterglow'.  
  
Merci to MM.  
  
The Perfect Girl  
  
_'Time here -- All but means nothing just shadows that move 'cross the wall -- They keep me company but they don't ask of me -- They don't say nothing at all'_  
  
Val Lanier stepped through the front door, and all at once felt completely isolated, despite being amongst two dozen or so people. Voices cried out to one another, drowning the soft music unfolding in the background, and yet, everyone might as well have been mute for all the difference that would've made.  
  
She didn't belong here.  
  
A large and obviously homemade banner had been stretched across the upper banister of the staircase, revealing in multicolored letters 'Welcome Home, Lora'. In smaller letters, '& Mom' had been added as an afterthought.  
  
She knew no one here.  
  
The thought had formed before she could even stop it and immediately, she knew it was rather harsh. She did recognize quite a few of the faces, if truth were to be told, but not well enough to acknowledge them. They were all from the past, a place she no longer visited if she could help it. In fact, she hadn't been back to the past since...how long ago had it been? Six years? It seemed that way.  
  
_'I need just a little more silence -- I need just a little more time'_  
  
Making her way further into the house, she spied a truly familiar face at last, although now more lined than she last remembered, and his hair streaked with random strands of gray. Alex Freeman turned from who he had been speaking to, and caught sight of her. He raised a hand in greeting, and the dark-curled woman behind him smiled. Val smiled back, albeit uneasily, wondering why she seemed so reminiscent of someone.  
  
"How are you, Val?" Her former supervisor was suddenly in front of her.  
  
"I'm very well, thank-you for asking," she replied automatically, reciprocating the question with no genuine feeling.  
  
Two years of being executive director at her father's advertising company had numbed her social skills into that of a conversing android. She no longer put any thought behind small talk, but on the other hand, could discourse almost fluently in Japanese and Spanish should she ever need to (which amusingly, was quite often).  
  
"You remember Dr. Perino, don't you?" Alex's arm didn't move from around the woman's waist, as she leaned in to shake Val's hand. So, they were finally together.  
  
"She'll be so happy to see you," Jennifer Perino nodded towards the stairs, silently indicating that Val should ascend them.  
  
Val only nodded.  
  
_'You send your thieves to me -- Silently stalking me, dragging me into your war -- Would you give me no choice in this? I know you can't resist -- Trying to re-open a sore'_  
  
Running her fingers absently over the shiny paper covering the gift she had bought at the last minute, Val reached the landing and looked down the hall where a room, its door slightly ajar, could be seen. She hadn't even decided to come until this morning, even though her invitation had arrived via a phone call five days ago. Consequently, there was no thought behind the gift at all; she knew nothing about what was expected and had resorted to asking a sales assistant for help.  
  
This day would probably amount to a mistake, something she should've never chosen to do. Granted, if she was honest with herself, she knew she could probably do with a few hours off from the unimaginable pile of work she'd recently piled herself under. But when was the last time she'd been honest with the Val inside? She'd perfected the art of lying to herself long ago, and was so adept at it now that she could make almost anything sound like the truth.  
  
_'So leave me be, I don't want to argue -- I just get confused and I come all undone -- If I agree, well it's just to appease you -- 'Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for'_  
  
Steeling herself against the well of emotions that were bound to come flooding either at her or, God forbid, from her, Val tapped softly at the door. Murmurings could be heard on the other side before a blonde emerged, almost colliding with her.  
  
"Brooke!" Val couldn't help the note of surprise in her tone.  
  
"Val," the younger Lanier stated, her own voice emotionless to such an extent, that it almost sounded cold.  
  
Blue eyes met blue eyes as the siblings stood regarding each other silently for a short moment, with nothing to say between them. When had they become so distant? Abruptly, Brooke stalked off leaving Val to collect herself and eventually, enter the room.  
  
_'You see love -- A tight thorny thread that you spin in a circle of gold -- To have me to hold me, a token for all to see -- Captured to be yours alone'_  
  
The room was in a state of semi-darkness, the only light gently filtering in through a part in the curtains. There was a scent of something perfuming the air, like talcum powder, only lighter, and as Val came closer, there was also the sound of someone quietly cooing, above an almost undetectable, but continual, sucking.  
  
The baby lay contentedly in its mother's arms, a nipple buried in its mouth, its eyes wide open and its gaze constantly moving. So this was Lora, or so the banner said.  
  
Val looked towards the mother, at a loss for words, so foreign was the situation. There was something different about her. Val knew from listening to her secretary's stories, that this difference was due to the supposed maternal bliss of first-time motherhood, but for the life of her, she couldn't define exactly what was so changed about the woman before her. She just was.  
  
"Hi," Caitie spoke up quietly, almost startling Val.  
  
"Hi."  
  
So awkward. So very awkward.  
  
_'I need just a little more silence -- Yeah I need just a little more time'_  
  
She watched as Caitie undid the wrappings, tearing away at the shiny paper proclaiming 'Congratulations' in a variety of colors, much like the banner on the stairs. An unusual weight rested in her arms, stiffly molded to form a cradle of sorts for the baby. For Lora. Val's gaze shifted from her friend to the newborn, now fed and happy to lie quietly there. It felt strangely comforting to support that warm bundle of soft skin and tiny limbs. She couldn't remember the last time she'd held a baby.  
  
"Number six," Caitie smiled, holding up the baby mobile, from which five small soft toys dangled.  
  
"I thought it was...cute," Val defended lamely, before the truth decided to spill out. "I...didn't really know what to get."  
  
"I like it," Caitie decided, leaning back against the headboard.  
  
_'For courage to pull away -- There will be hell to pay -- Deeper you cut to the bone'_  
  
Val eyed her friend, noting that although Caitie appeared somewhat tired, and her figure was unflatteringly fuller than it'd ever been, there was a definite...glow about her. An odd sparkle in her hazel eyes. Perhaps this was the maternal bliss they talked about. Perhaps this was the change she'd noticed before.  
  
Whatever it was, Caitie looked quite beautiful. Beautiful in a way that Val suddenly knew she could never look, despite her daily workouts, her strict diet and her own natural features that were often praised by others. Regardless of how many times she was told she looked stunning or gorgeous, or even beautiful, she could never attain this level of beauty. Because this was nature at its best. This was nature from the deep depths of the earth, stretching back to the beginning of time.  
  
This was motherhood.  
  
And Val? Val barely knew if she had the time or capacity to care for another, let alone raise, nurture...love a child. The word itself sounded more than strange in her head. It was beyond unknown. Looking back down at Lora, Val was suddenly caught surprise by her blurry vision.  
  
_'Leave me be, I don't want to argue -- I just get confused and I come all undone -- If I agree, well it's just to appease you -- 'Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for'_  
  
She'd left the room with the promise to call more often, and even visit when she had the time. A promise she knew she couldn't and wouldn't keep. Detached emotions made for a successful career, she'd learned.  
  
"I've missed you," Caitie had said earlier. "We all have."  
  
Val refused to let herself dwell on the comment. She had no use for it; she had another life, one where such words meant nothing. The last thing she needed was to be brought back by a few moments of emotionality. Caitie would've forgotten about her by tomorrow and Val herself would gladly be turning her back on all of this in just a few minutes. She wouldn't have to think about any of them again, until the next event came around. And by then, the supposed lifelong bond that had drawn her back today might've died. For good.  
  
Even so, as she exited the house, pleading fatigue with a few of the more persistent and over-friendly guests, she surprisingly found herself wondering for a moment, about the 'what ifs' in her life, the other alternatives that had, once upon a time, been viable options for her to take. Reflecting on those times was an act she seldom did, for fear she would discover that she'd made the wrong choice, and when she finally came back to her senses, her mind was unwilling to let go of those thoughts. Nothing made sense in that second.  
  
_'Time here -- All but means nothing just shadows that move 'cross the wall -- They keep me company but they don't ask of me -- They don't say nothing at all'_  
  
Berating her actions, she got into the car and purposefully drove herself away from the past, a past that became more and more insignificant the harder she willed it to appear that way. It would get easier as more and more time slipped in between the two places of then and now. Val knew from previous experience.  
  
She'd made the mistake of reopening this chapter today. Now, she had to firmly close it shut and somehow, make herself forget about it as quick as possible. That was simple enough: she still had two folders of documents that needed to be signed, contracts she had to approve, and a presentation waiting to be prepared for tomorrow. Thank God for the constants in her life.  
  
As she drew closer and closer to the city, to home, she let out a breath that seemed to release the tension that had been gathering inside. The past was once more behind her, where it belonged, and she intended to keep it that way. Only the future now beckoned. If she made herself believe in it enough, the future would bring everything she would ever need. As for now, this life was enough.  
  
_'So leave me be, I don't want to argue -- I just get confused and I come all undone -- If I agree, well it's just to appease you -- 'Cause I don't remember what we're fighting for'_  
  
A small, slightly sad smile lit the corners of her mouth, as she ran through those words again. This life was enough.  
  
It had become believable.  
  
A/N. Hm...I'm not quite sure what I hoped to achieve with that. Anyone notice the absence of the IaHB guys? My fingers were just itching to write Jamie in there somewhere, and I was sooo on the verge of making him Lora's father, but this story shall (sadly) remain Jamie-less, not to mention Tyler-less and Hank-less. They don't exist in this fic, because men just complicate everything! Lora's father is whoever you want to imagine while reading this (I assume that I will have readers...how very assumptive of me). Oh, and anyone remember Jennifer? I should write a Jennifer story, just because she doesn't seem to have one.


End file.
